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a lover of your presence
I had somewhat of an epiffany at church today. I realized (and I have come to realize this on multiple different occasions) that so many times we try to make serving the Lord a project. Recently I have found myself so caught up in thinking about what I am doing for Jesus and how I could be doing more, and worrying that I am missing opportunities to make His name more famous. And I do think that that is not always a bad thing. However, this morning I just sat in His presence and remembered how good He is. I was able to just BE with Him. And it was incredible. I feel like too many times I come to the Lord with an agenda or a checklist of things to accomplish. I really just need to come sit at His feet with a bottle of perfume more often. It is in those times that He restores us and refreshes us, and it is in those times when I really feel that I can breathe. Even though the things that I desire to do for the Lord are not bad things at all, they need to come from a place of overflow and worship of the King, and only He can pour into us so that we can pour out. I can’t conjure up feelings inside me to serve Him unless He fills me up with them first. I have come to see that it is a beautiful thing to not be on mission 24/7. Sometimes, we need to just sit and receive from the Lord. Slow down, and breathe. He loves you, and wants to be with you.
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unsettled
I have a small confession to make. I am about two weeks behind on my Women’s Studies class homework (it’s gen ed. please never take this class if possible) and tonight I attempted for about 5 minutes to get caught up. I read about 4 pages of the approximately 50 or so I need to get done, and I realized I wasn’t retaining ANY of what I was looking at. I was even underlining and taking notes, and I don’t even know what I was underlining. Needless to say, I stopped reading. Maybe tomorrow I’ll finish it.
I have found that I can’t seem to focus lately. I do think that some of it has to do with the fact that most of my classes are gen ed right now, and I hate them. I feel like they are all kind of just a waste of my time. However, I do know that God is planning to use them in my life. I need to start looking for His purposes there. But anyways.
Not only have I not been able to focus, I also have been feeling extremely unsettled. Restless, even. Something just hasn’t seemed right, and until recently, I had no clue what it was. Through talking to the Lord, I have discovered this—I really just need to go love somebody.
When you think about it, college is really all about us. At least for the most part. We go to class and do homework so that eventually we can earn a degree so that one day we can get a job and have money to buy a home and support a family. We exercise so we can feel better about our bodies, and stay physically fit. We work so that we can earn money to pay rent, feed our shopping habit, put gas in our cars, etc. Consider it…most things we do in college we do for us.
I think this is what has been eating me up. We were made to serve. We were meant to love others, and exhibit the very nature of God. When we aren’t actively loving the least, the last and the lost, something withers and dies inside us, and it personally makes me miserable. I am just stuck inside a storm of self absorption, and it’s terrible. When we serve, not only do we become more Christ like through the deed itself, but we learn so much about ourselves and the Lord. We see how beautiful it is for Jesus to take a knee and wash our feet. We see how empty and destitute we are without Him. We see the beauty of the people He loves, and how the least of these are not so different from us at all. We see the Father’s heart.
God has a specific purpose for us wherever we are right now—whether we are in college, high school, working, or around the world. Right now, I am praying that the Lord would help me see the opportunities He puts in front of me to glorify Him every day in the seemingly small things, and to see with His eyes the people He wants me to go out of my way to love. I would encourage you to do the same—let’s let God change us through the love He gives and the love we pour out back to Him—and see the world around us changed in the process.
